Been having a couple of sick days, yesterday it started very soon after taking my medication. So I didn’t eat anything till late on, so I had a pot of low fat custard to keep it light. Paul cooked dinner so I could get on and finish customer orders for Christmas cards. He cooked a lovely roast and I thought I would try chicken again, but my body wasn’t having any of it, and it got stuck and of course my breathing starts getting worse and I have to get rid of it again.
Today started ok, and I had cheese on toast for brunch around 12.45pm. The whole drinking and not eating thing is pissing me off at times, especially when you feel it might help stop food getting stuck but I still have to have my stop watch on my mobile so that I don’t drink to early, but it often feels like a lifetime to wait. I decide for my tea, I would try my roast dinner again from yesterday and heat it up in the microwave but because it is smothered in gravy, to supposedly stop it from getting stuck, I accidently eat a piece of chicken with a piece of potato and I’m back to square one again and a few minutes later I am once again best friends with the loo. FFS, I was trying to be careful and now I can’t drink anything to ease my throat for 30mins, aarrgghh!!! So I wasn’t ill again I had cheese on toast again later this evening, think I might try soup again for a change.
I am still finding that I constantly want sex and passion. Unfortunately it is not forth coming and I am getting irritable because I am not getting enough. Bloody hell, they must have given me male hormones when I was under, isn’t that what they are supposed to be like? I have a toy but I might as well be waving a wand in Blackwell Tunnel for all the good it does me. I am used to giving and receiving pleasure not that there is anything wrong with masturbation but I’d rather share it with a partner. I can’t exactly snog myself and I love a passionate snog with lots of tongue action, as much as orgasms, and there is nothing that can beat the real thing is there?
Maybe I should broaden my horizon, and experiment with different toys? Well we have rubber ducks but they don’t look exciting and I don’t think the teddy is washable even if in the unlikeliest case it even reached the spot. Mmmm............ Might have to rethink the whole toys situation, but money is tight and I will have to play solo for the time being. It was interesting at the pub when one of the guys at the bar was messing around with another friend opposite him and he was teasing her and giving it lots of tong action, and she was giving him an f off sign, and laughing. It was a good job Paul told me the taxi was here to pick us up or I might not have been responsible for my own actions. He would have certainly got a shock, let alone what Paul might have said. He was quite fit but I was just so mesmerised by his tongue action, and desperately trying to not to get turned on. What is happening to me, I am like a bitch on heat, and keep having to do boring things to take my mind off sex.
I know a chap who is an excellent kisser but he is the one I am attracted to sexually, but it would be a fatal attraction. I love Paul more than life itself but I can’t stop this yearning and I know that I will end up having phone sex with this guy again, and it will probably be tomorrow, unless I can resist calling him. He often phones me and I am like an excited kid at Christmas with anticipation. I have told Paul about it as I feel guilty and he was fine about it, but he didn’t step up the sexual advances. I have even said to him, I need a fuck buddy, but he just laughs. He just says he is getting old and doesn’t need it as much as me. I suppose it’s like they say, it’s like buying biscuits, it’s exciting getting them and unwrapping them, but when you have biscuits at home in the barrel, what’s the point of opening the barrel. I am not defeated yet, as I will continue to try and keep the spark alive in our marriage for as long as I can. Just sometimes, loving each other isn’t enough!
Joy of joys I have to go and have a Mirena Coil fitted tomorrow. Paul will have to take me as I fainted last time as they were constantly injecting me inside, to get my cervix to open. Actually thought the doctor was having a game of darts as it was excruciating and I couldn’t even keep my knees together for comfort! Apparently because I didn’t have natural births the cervix didn’t get used properly and they tighten with age. I ended up fainting but I was only on the milk diet then and I did have any before going so I didn’t need to pee when the cold instruments were introduced. I am not having for contraception as Paul had the two house brick job done when Niamh was a baby. It’s purely because I have reached “that age” when the hormones party at your expense. Have you ever wondered where all these names come from, I mean the cervix, which wise acre thought that one up? Penis and vagina, did someone have a game of scrabble and these were the best names they could come up with for our sexual organs. Scrottom is the funniest of them all, and if they ever find an anti wrinkle cream for that gets the creases out and it works, then I’ll buy it! Well I’ll do another blog tomorrow after I have done my turkey impression at the surgery tomorrow. Wish me luck!
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