18.12.10

Didn’t actually get to bed before 10am this morning, this must be a record of late for me! I made some more special Christmas cards during the night, one for Pauly and my mum, and added addresses and stamp’s to those that needed them. I also wrote yesterday’s blog in the wee small hours of the night, which seemed to pass so quickly one way or another.

Before going to bed I was feeling hungry so I had some ham but it got stuff again and I had to get rid of it again as it gets stuck and becomes painful to breathe. Not sure why I don’t seem to be able to tolerate many meats, I think I get too excited eating them and don’t chew long enough. I still feel greedy when it comes to meat. As I am still hungry I had a pot of low fat custard which I know is a safe food!

I didn’t really surface much before 5.45pm this evening, and I can hear Paul taking Callum to work. Luckily for me, Paul had been to the shops and got a few groceries and I fancy making Sausage casserole for dinner, as it is easy to digest and a good way of having lots of peppers, carrots, onions, mushrooms and potatoes in it. We tend to do it quite spicy with lots of Worcestershire sauce and coarse pepper corns. I like it also because it’s a one pot meal that is so filling! Only Niamh won’t eat it, not that she has ever tried it but I just pop her a jacket spud in the oven, tickety boo!

Tea was so yummy but I can’t eat that much of it, but find myself hungry later on and luckily there is some left for me to indulge in. I always buy high meat content sausages so it is a relatively low fat healthy meal.

I eventually go to bed around 7am and it is still so cold and dark inside and out. I wish my sleeping would improve, and have wondered about finding someone to teach me mediation, or something to switch my mind off at a sensible time. The constant worry of finding a new job and fitting in, and not being bullied again weighs heavy on my mind and although I need stimulation mentally with a job and we defiantly need the money, I am still so stressed about not being accepted again because of my weight. I still can’t bring myself to get on the scales in case it shows no change it weight loss.