9.12.10

Strange start to the day, as some of you might be aware I am not the best of sleepers and rarely get to bed before 3am; it’s nearly 4.30am now.  So when I woke up it was not particularly early and I can hear Marley barking and Paul has let the chap in to replace our electricity meter.  The electric goes off and I decide I better not go downstairs and scare the electrician with my morning face, as it takes some time to get the strap marks to fade after wearing my sleep apnoea mask, and my Ken Dodd hairstyle!  Luckily Callum gets my mobile and I send some text messages.  There is only one person I really want to talk to today but know that is not possible L  Think I have damaged that relationship and it weighs heavy in the bottom of my stomach.  I have an attraction to someone I shouldn’t and I can’t explain why, but I think of them often.  

I know I am being silly but my transfer addiction is strong and yearns to be fulfilled, and at the moment only they can satisfy it.  I know they don’t feel the same way and I resolve myself to that but nevertheless, I am unhappy, and unfulfilled.  I try hard to keep the spark alive in my marriage but my husband is as he says getting old and doesn’t make the effort.  Since the op and three weeks prior to it I have had a really unsettling time.  I love my husband and I know he loves me but I need and yearn for passion, just like the passion you have in the early days and you can’t get enough of each other.  You can’t beat a hot and steamy snog and a good old fashioned fumble to get your hit at times.  Where are all these so called men whose wives and partners aren’t interested in sex anymore?  I think it is made up by comedians, as all the women my age I know are nearly as horny as I am, and it’s their men that are not as interested.  Maybe I need a prescription for Bromide?  I have tried suggesting sneaking off in the car and having a romantic time in the back of the car or phone sex, and he just laughs and giggles.  Doesn’t do my confidence a lot of good but when I was first told of transfer addiction I thought it was a joke, but it is NO joke and it concerns me as to how I am going to survive it.  This was not in any literature from the hospital.  After the bypass you will become a nymphomaniac!  No definitely did not say that anywhere!

Had a better day with food, I had 4 pieces of scampi cooked in the oven and a low fat hash brown with a bit of ketchup for brunch about 3.45pm.  Strangely enough I am fine with that and feel satisfied.  Niamh is in a school production of Aladdin, so we dutifully go and show our support.  I am always dragged kicking and screaming as I am a loving and caring mother, lol.  It’s mostly torture but we survive it and luckily we meet an acquaintance Sarah who makes it so much more enjoyable.  Amongst the cast is a lad who looks the spitting image of Matt Lucas from Little Britain and it is all I can do from pmsl.  Niamh is wearing a hat that is very much like Carmen Miranda would have worn and Paul is in heaven teasing her from afar!  Later she beats him up and they are shrieking with laughter together as she is making her views known in no uncertain terms.  Whilst we were in the car waiting for her to come out, I try and get Paul to reciprocate in a passionate snog, but he is embarrassed as we are at a school.  FFS it’s a senior school, they probably have more sex there than anywhere else in the village!  I give up as he says we are steaming up the windscreen.  Think I’ll throw a pint of bitter over me; it’d want to lick every inch then!

Afterwards we head to the pub to collect Callum from work and he tells me my dear friend Pauline is in there with a new beau.  Stop the car, I have to go in and embarrass her.  So we go and find her and sure enough I can resist the temptation and say to Pauline, “but this one’s got hair!”  For some reason she likes bald men and Michael her date is normal with hair.  We tease each other and I succumb to a glass of Shiraz.  Not that I can drink it all, I am sozzled by half a glass and I have the giggles, much to Niamh’s amusement!  Paul and the teens finish it for me and off we head for home.  Later I get told off by he who shall remain nameless, and he says he hopes I am ill from it and I should have thought of it as another pound lost L

Paul cooks lamb steaks & chops, savoury rice and peas for dinner, about 10pm.  I manage half a lamb steak and I am beat!  I did get a piece of extra crispy crackling that was so crisp it shattered as you bit it, when we were at the pub.

I chat to my friends on Face book and Gary who helps me post my blog tells me I had 347 hits on my blog and loads were at 6pm tonight!  Some were from Canada, France and Croatia!  I really enjoy chatting that way, as if I am on the phone everyone moans I am interrupting their TV programmes, and you can talk to several people at once.  I don’t tend to chat to more than 6 people at a time, but it is all good fun!

About 2am I had a soya dessert and hopefully that is all my protein taken cared for.  Still cannot drink milk after being on the milk diet for 9wks.  I did scrap twice on Niamh’s frosting that is in the fridge and dip into the jersey cream as I wasn’t strong enough not to, but came to my senses quickly.  I did it but I am not going to dwell on it, I have always pushed the boundaries, goodness knows why but I do.  At least it took my mind of sex for 2 secs!

I have been fantasizing about wearing a rubber or PVC dress when I am slim in shiny black with red patent thigh high stiletto heeled boots and black fishnets.  I share this thought with Paul and he smiles and says Mmmm.......................  Maybe there is hope for me yet, and maybe that pig will fly over head and not crap on me or my fantasies?